Masturbation May be the Key To Better Sex with Others & Higher Satisfaction Levels
Masturbation + Sex with Others
Women who “directly” masturbate (using their hands or a vibrator to stimulate their clit) have significantly greater preferences for clitoral, as opposed to vaginal, stimulation as a way of achieving orgasm in comparison to women who “indirectly masturbate” (subtly touching themselves through their clothing or by another method) and women who do not masturbate at all. As well, women who do not masturbate can have a harder time achieving orgasm during penetration (even with additional clitoral stimulation) than women who do masturbate.
We know that women only orgasm 25% of the time with penetration. Though there are stigmas around women masturbating – it seems that through all of this research, the same thing keeps coming up: many women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
Getting to know your body might not be the worst thing in the world…. and taking that a step further, using a vibrator for help seems to be a pretty positive thing rather than a negative; contrary to the popular, stigmatized view.
How do women’s sexual expectations and experiences change when she introduces a vibrator into her sexual activity?
A study was done to answer this question and asked women who had never used a vibrator as well as women who had used one at least once a week for 1 month what their concerns were about using a vibrator.
They said:
- change in orgasmic patterns
- fear of using an outside, “unnatural” object
- dependency
- entitlement
- the reaction of partners
- changes in sexual attitudes
It seems that a lot of questions were raised about using a vibrator, but not too many answers have surfaced from these questions. These 6 recurring themes of concern could be prevented by education and communication with doctors and reliable sources. Though there may be concerns, studies have shown that most women and men hold high positive and low negative beliefs about women’s vibrator use. Women with positive beliefs surrounding vibrator use reported higher arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction rates, and less pain during penetration.
A similar study done found that 52.5% of women use a vibrator and those women were significantly more likely to have had a gynecologic exam during the past year, and have performed genital self-examination during the previous month. The vibrator use was also related to positive sexual function and 71.5% of these women had zero negative symptoms associated with vibrator use. Here that? Zero!
We’ve addressed their concerns:
- Change in orgasmic patterns: the change is for the better. Women are orgasming more with clitoral help from stimulation than without.
- Fear of using an outside, “unnatural” object: the fear is not unfounded, but with knowledge of which vibrators are safe to use and which lubrication to use with the toy, will come more ease. Yes, it is not good to use toys that are not safe for you, BUT there are now SO many products on the market that have been tested and FDA approved.
- Dependency: a short and sweet answer to this concern is no, you will not become a slave to your vibrator. You can still fully enjoy sex with a partner without the use of a toy.
- Entitlement: do you feel entitled to using an electric toothbrush instead of using a manual one? No, you just feel like you have clean teeth, regardless of how it happened. The feeling of deserving an orgasm should be legitimate. Not just men deserve to have orgasms, everyone does. This being said, we should not only have sex with the intention of orgasm. Sex should be pleasurable and not have the sole purpose of orgasm.
- Reactions of partners: like the study above, men and women, when asked, think that vibrators are overall positive. If you’re afraid of what your partner might think, then you should simply have a conversation with them! You’ll be surprised.
- Changes in sexual attitudes: worse case scenario: you find yourself wanting to be more sexually active. Sounds like a good change to me.
Thoughts on starting to incorporate a vibrator into your sex life:
Start slow and try anything and everything you think might be pleasurable.
- You can start by just running the vibrator on your leg and testing the different speeds; see what feels good and go from there.
- You can try moving it to your breasts or other sensitive areas before using it in your extra sensitive areas.
- Try it solo to get started and once you feel more comfortable you can always try it with a partner.
- They can use it solely on you or you can try using it on your clit during penetration.
The possibilities are endless!
Works Cited:
Arch Sex Behav. 1983 Jun;12(3):227-36.The relationship between mode of female masturbation and achievement of orgasm in coitus. Leff JJ, Israel M.J Sex Med. 2011 Dec;8(12):3398-406. doi: 10.1111/j.1743-6109.2010.02132.x. Epub 2011 Jan 4.Changes in a woman’s sexual experience and expectations following the introduction of electric vibrator assistance. Marcus BS1.
J Sex Marital Ther. 2011;37(5):329-45. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2011.606745. Beliefs about women’s vibrator use: results from a nationally representative probability survey in the United States. Herbenick D1, Reece M, Schick V, Jozkowski KN, Middelstadt SE, Sanders SA, Dodge BS, Ghassemi A, Fortenberry JD
J Sex Med. 2009 Jul;6(7):1857-66. doi: 10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01318.x. Epub 2009 May 7.Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by women in the United States: results from a nationally representative study. Herbenick D1, Reece M, Sanders S, Dodge B, Ghassemi A, Fortenberry JD.
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Phenomenal breakdown of the topic, you should write for me too!
Jagadish Kumar
I want to hve sex with out protection (condoms ) we both r not planning fr child.we want to enjoy our sex life ....plzzz suggest