Bringing Light BDSM into Your Sex Life: Everything You Need to Know

Bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, sadism-masochism aka BDSM

BDSM is really a spectrum. You don’t have to be fully into it or fully against it, you can enjoy it on a sliding scale (if that makes sense). Think pasta: If you love pasta, you don’t eat exclusively pasta; but rather, you enjoy lots of different kinds of pasta with different types of sauces, and sometimes you may only want a little bit or want something different entirely. I mean, why limit yourself? But at the end of the day, we should all respect your pasta eating habits, right? It’s not like we’re the ones eating it. So go ahead and stuff your face, obtain from pasta entirely, or just indulge in a little nibble here and there.

Why are some more inclined to participate in BDSM than others? Openness to experience and to the seeking of sexual sensation, a trait that “relates to a desire to be sexually uninhibited and to explore novel sexual experiences”(Gaither & Sellbom, 2003) according to Psychology Today.  It comes in many forms and like many other things, it isn’t as black and white as some may think. Research has found that BDSM is really just as simple as sexual interest or subculture, and for most that are into it, it is not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with “normal” sex. Some just consider BDSM “non-vanilla” sex.

Studies have shown that many people are into or want to try submission and/or domination. So, really, to be “into” BDSM you don’t need to love to be choked so hard you pass out (though some do) or invest in a black latex body suit with a matching whip – you can enjoy more subtle play.

 

pasta - psychnsex

Looking to incorporate “light BDSM” into the bedroom?

Try handcuffs

The inclination could be focused on submission to your thoughts and body. Life is stressful, something that we all know, and sex can be so relaxing; though sometimes even during that intimate time, your head can be elsewhere. Try taking away a bit of thinking by incorporating handcuffs. Put simply, let someone else sit in the driver’s seat for a change. There is a relaxing quality to having your hands behind your back and the rest of your body in the zone. It can create heightened sensations elsewhere and spice things up while you’re at it. Not into the full restraint? Holding your hands behind your back during sex or having your partner hold them up above your head can do the trick.

Light Spanking

Chains and whips excite Rhianna but make others a bit nervous. Can it really hurt so good? Maybe to some. There’s a reason there are whips, paddles, floggers, pinwheels ….. ect. Why not use your hand(s) before investing in extras? Spanking when controlled can add excitement, desire, and even intimacy when doing non-facial positions.

Tell Your Partner What To Do

There is a sexy quality about not thinking and just doing. Even when it comes off a bit harsh, it might be just a bit of dirty talk. A couple of pieces of advice:

  • Make it consensual. Talk about talking really dirty and being dominating before you just go for it. Pick who is going to be the “dom” and who is going to be the “sub.” Think it’s weird to even ask? Try texting it, and making it a part of foreplay.
  • Keep it in the bedroom (or wherever you’re getting intimate.) Enjoying submissive sex doesn’t need to be carried into other aspects of life.

So, whatever you want to call it, or do with it, it’s all up to you. Just be safe about it and be open with your partner, ask for what you need, and be receptive to hearing what they need from you.

Sasha

Co- Founder of Psych n Sex, previous writer and campus educator for the Kinsey Institute & published psychology researcher. Manhattan girl obsessed with post ww2 abstract expressionism, beet juice, vintage clothing & Scandinavia.

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