The secret to good sex begins with how confident you feel about yourself and your sexuality. Finding confidence in sexuality is the best feeling in the world, but it isn’t always easy.
As our bodies develop and change, it can be easy to be critical of what we see in the mirror and not so easy to find comfort in being naked by ourselves, let alone with another person. When it comes to sex, it’s normal to worry about things. Sexual performance anxiety can happen easily for people who feel pressure from the common notion that they are meant to please the person they are sleeping with. However, someone else’s pleasure is not an indicator of your sex appeal.
Self-assurance in the sheets starts with you. Embracing the following simple routines can increase your confidence both in your skin and in the bedroom.
Check it out:
Yep, get naked. When we’re naked, we feel more connected to and aware of our bodies. It’s an empowering feeling to be freely naked in private, so it boosts our confidence and makes us feel sexy.
The vulnerability occurs most when we’re around others, so when we walk around nude alone, we have ownership over it. Sleeping in just your skin increases comfort, which decreases cortisol levels and therefore, lowers stress. These cortisol levels become balanced when your body temperature is lowered, allowing you to get a deeper sleep without waking up during the night. A surge of oxytocin (the “love hormone”) happens when partners sleep naked next to each other and at the highest level, pair bonding takes place, which basically means you’ll feel more connected and potentially have better sex (win, win!).
Your Body is Your Temple. Get to Know it!
Who doesn’t want to have an orgasm (or a few) every day? Masturbating not only makes you feel good but helps you know what you like. Since women only orgasm 25% of the time with penetration, it’s good to play around with a vibrator or even just your fingers for clitoral stimulation. A convincing case for masturbation is the fact that a large majority of women can only orgasm via their clit and most who don’t masturbate at all have a harder time reaching an orgasm than women who do. Another bonus: when you get to know your body and what it takes for you to orgasm, you’ll only want to be more sexually active.
Everyone is different and turned on by all different types of things, so find out what you want for yourself and you’ll be more inclined to ask for it from someone else. Being upfront and detailed about your needs makes the other person feel like you want them, so they’ll feel just as good giving you pleasure. Taking initiative and being vocal about your desires is a turn on and gives you the confidence to continue being assertive in bed.
Embrace the Fact that Bras Aren’t for Everyone
In my B cup opinion, bras are the f**king worst. They’re good for support, but the underwire is uncomfortable and who knows if you ever really have the right size? A longitudinal study found that there is no real health benefit to wearing a bra and women who do not wear bras over long periods of time actually develop more muscle tissue to provide natural support. Like most women, I grew up adhering to gender norms thinking that I had to wear a bra, but I’ve come to find out that it’s just a personal choice. To me, nothing feels sexier than going out at night without one. Even if you’re alone and running errands during the day, for example, throw on a tank and let your nipples peek through. Trade in bras for lacy bralettes so your boobs can breathe. Hopefully, like me, you’ll feel empowered and free.
Incorporate Oils Into Your Self-Love Practice
What is it about the look of oil on our skin that’s so sexual? It gives us a sensual glow that’s pretty irresistible and can also add some fun to our sex lives. Give your body love and massage it with coconut oil so your skin feels sexy and smooth each day. It has an amazing moisturizing effect that leaves skin super soft and touchable. Taking care of your body with coconut oil is a physical experience with yourself that promotes self-love as you feel your body in an intimate way. Coconut oil is soothing for skin, but there are mixed reviews on its safety as a lube – so do some research before incorporating it into sex.
Scent, like touch, is also important in terms of intimacy (believe it or not). Certain essential oils have aphrodisiac qualities and scents like jasmine and rosewood can help calm sexual insecurities. Jasmine soothes nerves while rosewood elevates mood and promotes positivity and thus, confidence. These two emotional boosters are important when it comes to relaxing before sex. Dilute them with a carrier oil and massage onto your skin for the full effect.
Get Up in the Gym, Just Workin’ on Your Fitness
While shaping your muscles definitely builds confidence and gets endorphins flowing, research has shown that daily exercise has sexual benefits, too. Working out for as little as 20 minutes a day enables you to enjoy sex more and heightens sexual arousal. Doing yoga, for example, improves flexibility which can help you become more adventurous and feel confident trying different positions. Exercising regularly is one of the best forms of self-love. No matter what shape or size you are, exercise rapidly heightens a person’s perception of their self-worth. The more you workout, the more motivated you’ll become to keep going and little by little, you’ll become the best version of you (and your sexual self).
Bradberry, T. (2016, September 19). 4 Reasons Sleeping Naked Makes You Healthier And Wealthier. Retrieved July 19, 2017, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2016/09/13/4-reasons-sleeping-naked-makes-you-healthier-and-wealthier/#17056d0b69b4
David Mills on October 20. (2016, October 20). Going Braless Probably Won’t Hurt Breast Health. Retrieved July 17, 2017, from http://www.healthline.com/health-news/going-braless-wont-hurt-breast-health#
Avnet, L. (2013, March 27). 13 Mental Health Benefits Of Exercise. Retrieved July 17, 2017, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/27/mental-health-benefits-exercise_n_2956099.html
Davis, L. J. (2017, April 12). 15 Exercises Every Woman Should Do to Improve Her Sex Life. Retrieved July 17, 2017, from http://www.livestrong.com/slideshow/1011169-15-exercises-woman-should-improve-her-sex-life/
L., Says, M., Says, L., Says, M. K., Says, S., Says, J., . . . Says, S. (2017, April 27). 14 Aphrodisiac Essential Oils for your Love life, Romance, Sex & Libido -. Retrieved July 17, 2017, from http://essentialoilsanctuary.com/14-romantic-essential-oils-for-your-love-life-sex-libido/